Well, Marlana, our editor in chief, sent over some topics to consider writing about last week. It is not that I don’t have a well of thoughts to share at the moment, but I decided to take some time and review Marlana’s thoughts and input before I went off on my own tangent.
The thing about aging while being a fiercely independent person is that I’ve learned to be a bit more collaborative – maybe collaborative is the wrong word. The better term is “creative consideration” and having regard for other’s intellectual needs or guidelines, even when things are free form. When someone extends a large amount of creative freedom or leeway, it takes time over the years to understand that that freedom is coming from a leader and you learn to remember that they exist…at all times, and learn that it is important to keep them in the corner of your awareness so that you don’t go too far out.
Going too far out doesn’t really serve anyone….not even yourself.
One of the topics my fellow colleagues and I were asked to consider was “The Hermit.” Now, I didn’t reply to Marlana and say I was going to write about this topic because I didn’t decide to do it until I wrote my second word, so it may be very possible that another columnist may write about “The Hermit.” This is ok with me. Like I said, sharing creative freedom is important.
The first thing that came to my mind was the higher arcana tarot card, The Hermit. The tarot has been a fascination of mine ever since I was a little girl. I had a natural affinity for the deck and they seemed to like me as well because whenever I gave a reading, even in my pre teen innocence, the understanding and advice I received through my interpretation of the cards seemed to be very accurate, and there were times during my reading that I was able to bring people who were 20 years older than me to tears. I kind of lost my connection with The Tarot when I became a teenager, and kept my connection with mysticism very private until a few weeks ago when I stumbled into a lecture in a tiny DIY space hosted by the a local tarot club.
The lecture was an overview and history of the tarot. I remember being very tired, while on my way to the event. I walked about 9 blocks in the blistering cold, but I endured the track because I’ve learned that personal education is very important. I like to immerse myself in something outside of my work to keep myself stimulated. The lecture was fascinating and I was glad I had gone. Since then, I allowed the founder of the group to lightly guide me and take me under her wing and read me – teaching me about the meanings of the cards.
“The Hermit” is not a card I pull very often in my personal readings, but that might be the problem with me at the moment. “The Hermit” represents a time of soul searching and self reflection. It dignifies a time of contemplation. That is exactly what I’ve needed lately: some time to meditate and get in touch with my soul, but my mind has been overcome with worry.
With all this said, the card I have been pulling has been “Temperance” which represents the need for balance, patience and moderation.
I’m not sure which is more appropriate at this very moment: soul searching and self reflection or balance, patience and moderation. I have no problem making the assumption if not the general declaration that I need all of these attributes and actions in my life right now. My guru says “You’ve got to let your emotions play out. You shouldn’t push them away, they are a part of being human.” I understand that, but my natural reaction to tough emotions and behaviors like impatience, worry, paranoia, pain and sadness are to push them away. I seem to believe I can meditate anything away – but lately, the more I push emotions away, the more intense they get.
Last month, it was of no consequence…now, I guess I’m feeling a few consequences from attempting to feel “ok.”
The Hermit and Temperance
If I may, I’ll refer to my last entry, It is of No Consequence and express that I was feeling like I wanted to leave the public eye. I’m sure “The Hermit” ties into that desire. I’m sure it ties into the desire to want to get away, and obtain my privacy, to find a safe quiet place to think and live without the pressure of persona and anything else that has to do with presenting myself to people I do not know.
Anyway, maybe there is a consequence this month from attempting to believe that there was no consequence last month. With everything there is an equal and opposite reaction. So on some level, there is always a consequence.